I cant believe it's been 2 years already since you left this world for Heaven. Parts of me feel like it's been forever since I've seen you and other parts feel like I just saw you yesterday. Sometimes life going on without you is easier than others. Every now and then I catch myself wanting to pick up the phone to call you, or seeing other girls with their fathers- then I really miss you. Other times it's easier, like when John and I are joking around and we know you would appreciate the joke. I always miss you, but those times we just shake our head because we know you would laughing at us and would approve.
I still remember the last time I saw you- it was the day John and I left for Miami. I gave you probably the millionth hug goodbye and you grabbed me and asked me not to leave. Of course I started crying and of course I know you didnt mean it, but now I look back and wonder- what if I had stayed? Dont get me wrong, I know everyone has those thoughts when they lose someone they love and it's important for children to spread their wings and go, but what if I was still there? How would things have been different? I dont know. I could do a million what-ifs, but nothing would change the fact that you are gone and I miss you.
We all miss you. But I rejoice in the fact that I know you are with Jesus. If I didnt know that, I dont know how I would get by. The thought that I get to see you one day, keeps me going. Makes it a little bit easier that you are not here now.
It's incredible how many areas of my life you touched while you were here. I mean, I know you're my dad and all, but it's crazy! I see more and more of you in me all the time. On our way back to Miami after visiting Raleigh this past time, John and I were dreaming. Big dreams of course. John laughed at me and said that I had huge dreams and I was just like you. You always dreamed big. I remember sitting and talking with you for hours on many different days about what we would do if we won the lottery. Big dreams and I loved every second of it.
I also have your laugh. The Brinn laugh. Sometimes I'll catch me laughing your laugh and it makes me think of you and other times John will call me out. I am so blessed he got to know you so well. It makes it a little bit easier to have someone to talk about you to. It makes it a little bit easier when he points stuff out you would like or ways in which he sees you in me. It feels like a part of you is still here and it's great.
Sometimes I get afraid that you'll fade in my memory. I know with time, you might a little. But I know you'll always be there. I'll always be able to see your face and hear your voice. Like I said in my poem I wrote you after you passed- You are written on my heart and that's just not something that fades. I thank you so much for leaving such a huge impression on me. I hope I do the same for my children one day and make them as proud of me as I am of you.
Anyway, I miss you like crazy. John and I watched the raw footage from our wedding video the other day and it was weird to see you again. A blessing, no doubt, but weird. I love you to the moon and back and cannot wait to see you again one day.
This song makes me think of you and gives me peace to go on and relief knowing that I'll see you again
I love you,
Always Your Little Girl
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