I am going to have a daughter soon. I cant even wrap my mind around that thought. A daughter. A child. John and I are going to be parents. Wow. I feel so incredibly blessed. In my journey to get pregnant and during my pregnancy I've met and read about so many women who struggle to get pregnant and stay pregnant. My heart breaks for them. I cant imagine what they are going through. I'm sure like me they have wanted their entire lives to be mommies. Sometimes, I wonder why I am one of the lucky ones? But most of the time I just try to enjoy each and every minute of my pregnancy, even the tough moments. Who knows if I'll be able to have another? All I know is that God answered our prayers and has given us an incredible gift that I hope I never take for granted. I hope I can lead my baby girl to Jesus and she can love Him with all of her heart and share Him with others. I have such big dreams for her. I cant wait to meet her and see her grow. I'm already crying as I write this- I dont know how my mama heart is going to make it the rest of my life! :D
As I think about how exciting our lives are about to become, I cant help but think about all the wonderful people that have helped us to this moment in our lives. Then that leads me to think about my daddy. There are no words for how much I miss him. There are no words for how much I want him to be a part of this journey of mine. Of everyone that is excited for our little girl to be born, I know he would have been the most excited. He was head over heels for all of us growing up and I know he wanted a grandchild so bad after we got married. I can picture him now making fun of my belly and poking at it. I can picture him holding our baby girl and taking her for rides in his wheelchair. I can hear him telling her all sorts of stories about me when I was little. I can hear him telling her all kinds of jokes. I can see him giving her all of the hugs and kisses. The fact that I cant hear or see any of this for real, brings me to my knees in tears. Oh how I wish he was here.
Going through this part of my life without him has definitely been the hardest. I would love his advice, hear his side of how pregnancy was for him and mom, hear how it was to raise his babies. I want him to hold my hand and tell me I'm going to be fine delivering this little girl and afterwards tell me how good of a job I did. I want to be able to share this with him so bad. I want to be able to share her. I just want my daddy.
I am so thankful that John is such a great man. I know without a doubt this little girl is going to love him so incredibly hard. I know without a doubt that he will be everything to her that my father was to me. Every little girl should have that in their daddy. I'm just grateful that my dad and John were and are above and beyond what is expected of a father. Of a daddy. Of the first love of a little girl's life.
Daddy, I miss you so much.
I am so thankful for a daddy who loved me this much:
Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each other's face
So much in love, you're alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one, she told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything, life must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way
I loved her first
I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it's still hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful woman with you
Be that same freckled face kid that I knew?
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time
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