If you know me, you know I have a terrible habit of analyzing and dwelling on every little thing that happens in my life. I have no idea why I do this. I guess I just want everything to be perfect all the time (ha) so I whittle everything down until I know why it wasnt, so I can fix it.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I do this to my poor husband?
It's exhausting.
Why do I sit and think about every conversation and interaction I've had and wonder how things were said, what was said, was someone upset, was everyone happy, did I do and say everything I was supposed to? That's just the beginning of my insanity. I'm going to drive myself crazy.
The other day during one of my analyzing episodes with John, he finally just asked me "why can't you just be?" He didn't mean it mean at all, he was being very serious. He was wondering why I just cant be content in the moment. Whatever it was I was worrying about happened and it's over (I cant even tell you what it was anymore, see how important it must have been?). I know I am doing a great job of driving him nuts, since the poor guy has to listen to me.
Anyway, I've been really thinking about his question. Why cant I "just be?" Of course I'm dwelling on it- that's what I do. But after he made that comment every time I start to dissect whatever just happened in my life- I think about his question.
Why do I care SO much about every little interaction, conversation, comment, action? I am too uptight. Even this post is a bit ridiculous, BUT it's helping me process what I need to do.
Dwelling on everything does not make me a happier or better person. I'm not "fixing" anything. Honestly, it makes me sad, frustrated, and even angry sometimes. I dont want to be that kind of person. I just want to be happy. I want to be content. I want to be less uptight. I want to "just be."
So there are few things I would like to try to help be be the person I want to be:
1) I really need to focus my energy on my relationship with Jesus. It could use some work.
2) I need to spend some of that energy on focusing on what is actually important- my relationship with my husband, family, friends. Not the silly stuff.
and 3) #100happydays. If you haven't seen this idea floating around the internet yet- you can check it out here . I'm not going to lie. When I saw people starting to do it- I thought it was really dumb. But the more I see people's pictures of their 100 happy days, the more I realize it's about focusing on the good in your life. Not the bad. It's perfect for me.
I have an amazing life. I have been blessed more than I could have ever imagined. I need to live my life in a way that shows that. I need to focus on the happiness. One of my current favorite songs says it best "Life's a long and winding ride, better have the right one by your side. And happiness dont drag its feet, time moves faster than you think." I dont want life to pass me by and me always be grumpy. I want to remember the happiness.
So here is to the #100happydays challenge and making my life a little better each day :D
