Some thoughts...

I am going to have a daughter soon. I cant even wrap my mind around that thought. A daughter. A child. John and I are going to be parents. Wow. I feel so incredibly blessed. In my journey to get pregnant and during my pregnancy I've met and read about so many women who struggle to get pregnant and stay pregnant. My heart breaks for them. I cant imagine what they are going through. I'm sure like me they have wanted their entire lives to be mommies. Sometimes, I wonder why I am one of the lucky ones? But most of the time I just try to enjoy each and every minute of my pregnancy, even the tough moments. Who knows if I'll be able to have another? All I know is that God answered our prayers and has given us an incredible gift that I hope I never take for granted. I hope I can lead my baby girl to Jesus and she can love Him with all of her heart and share Him with others. I have such big dreams for her. I cant wait to meet her and see her grow. I'm already crying as I write this- I dont know how my mama heart is going to make it the rest of my life! :D

As I think about how exciting our lives are about to become, I cant help but think about all the wonderful people that have helped us to this moment in our lives. Then that leads me to think about my daddy. There are no words for how much I miss him. There are no words for how much I want him to be a part of this journey of mine. Of everyone that is excited for our little girl to be born, I know he would have been the most excited. He was head over heels for all of us growing up and I know he wanted a grandchild so bad after we got married. I can picture him now making fun of my belly and poking at it. I can picture him holding our baby girl and taking her for rides in his wheelchair. I can hear him telling her all sorts of stories about me when I was little. I can hear him telling her all kinds of jokes. I can see him giving her all of the hugs and kisses. The fact that I cant hear or see any of this for real, brings me to my knees in tears. Oh how I wish he was here.

Going through this part of my life without him has definitely been the hardest. I would love his advice, hear his side of how pregnancy was for him and mom, hear how it was to raise his babies. I want him to hold my hand and tell me I'm going to be fine delivering this little girl and afterwards tell me how good of a job I did. I want to be able to share this with him so bad. I want to be able to share her. I just want my daddy. 

I am so thankful that John is such a great man. I know without a doubt this little girl is going to love him so incredibly hard. I know without a doubt that he will be everything to her that my father was to me. Every little girl should have that in their daddy. I'm just grateful that my dad and John were and are above and beyond what is expected of a father. Of a daddy. Of the first love of a little girl's life. 

Daddy, I miss you so much. 

I am so thankful for a daddy who loved me this much: 

Look at the two of you dancing that way

Lost in the moment and each other's face

So much in love, you're alone in this place

Like there's nobody else in the world

I was enough for her not long ago

I was her number one, she told me so

And she still means the world to me

Just so you know

So be careful when you hold my girl

Time changes everything, life must go on

And I'm not gonna stand in your way

I loved her first

I held her first

And a place in my heart will always be hers

From the first breath she breathed

When she first smiled at me

I knew the love of a father runs deep

And I prayed that she'd find you someday

But it's still hard to give her away

I loved her first

How could that beautiful woman with you

Be that same freckled face kid that I knew?

The one that I read all those fairy tales to

And tucked into bed all those nights

And I knew the first time I saw you with her

It was only a matter of time

I loved her first

I held her first

And a place in my heart will always be hers

From the first breath she breathed

When she first smiled at me

I knew the love of a father runs deep

And I prayed that she'd find you someday

But it's still hard to give her away

I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed

When she first smiled at me

I knew the love of a father runs deep

Someday you might know what I'm going through

When a miracle smiles up at you

Yeah, I loved her first

38 Weeks!

October 24th

Baby girl is the size of a Pomeranian this week! She's probably around 7lbs and 19 1/2 inches (again all guesses at this point!). She has an eye color now, but it could change during her first year. Still really cool to think about what color her sweet little eyes might be :D She's packing on more fat and is rolling around good in my belly even tho there isnt much space left. lol

How's Mama? Doing pretty good :D I'm definitely more tired, but working from home has helped dramatically with that. Not having to commute is amazing. Monday night I went grocery shopping and oh man. I think I had a real contraction. I couldnt walk through it and it was painful. At my appointment on Friday, they ended up confirming that I probably did have a contraction!! I am 3cm and 70% effaced now! My doctor was pretty shocked and excited at the same time. He laughed when I told him I thought I had had a contraction- he was like just one? lol I was like yep. He almost didnt even check me! But I asked him to since I had started to dilate. I think that's why he was shocked. haha. He's great. He did seem to think baby girl might come this weekend!! We'll see!! Other than the continued braxton hicks contractions and some real ones, I still have lots of heartburn, my hips hurt a lot when I sleep so it's hard to get comfy, and I'm peeing all the time. haha. My belly is HUGE! My belly button is half in and half out- I think it's cute :D I still feel beautiful and am soaking up every last bit of pregnancy I can :D I'm gunna miss this bump!! 

How's Daddy? Well believe it or not, I think this was his busiest week yet! He came home late every night :( I know he is SO ready for a break. Since he worked so late every night, I tried to get as much done around the house as I could. I even surprised him and cleaned his office! You couldnt even walk in there and now it's definitely MUCH better! Not how we want it, but it's clean and that's great for now :D. We started to watch Black Mirror every night as our unwind show- it's incredibly intriguing and very well done. I highly recommend it. It's been nice to snuggle on the couch each night and watch TV with him. 

This week: This week was busy each night with me working around the house and John working late :( At least we got some relaxing in together each night. I had John pick up some more milk one night- and y'all we are in MILK RANGE!

Friday night we went on a date! Thinking it might be our last date night thanks to my doctor! We went to Mellow Mushroom- our favorite! and then checked out the Raleigh Beer Garden- it's a REALLY cool place and it's HUGE. We'll definitely go back some time :D 

                                                

Saturday, my in-laws who are some of the best people ever came over to help us around the house one last time before baby comes. I actually left to get my hair done (it was the last appointment I could get before little girl arrives). My mother in law pulled weeds in my flower beds, while my father in law painted our kitchen ceiling. They were both still at it when I got home. John was doing random little things around the house and I started to sort the baby laundry I had been doing all week. She already has too many clothes. lol. Jane finished outside (I felt SO bad, she got eaten up by fire ants.) and helped me sort and organize clothes and diapers. John cleaned out the closet and the entire room felt so much better and more organized. Jane also cleaned my oven! Next, we worked on the wall. We got our chevron stripes in!! It took forever to put them up. They were a LOT of work. I think they look much sharper than paint would, but you need to have some real patience if you decide to go this route. I ended up watching while they all put the wall up. I was super exhausted and John and I were going to argue. lol. I am so thankful for all of their hard work. It was so nice to be able to knock some big things off our list.

 LOVE!

I love love love how it turned out! It's exactly what I wanted!!! The company I bought the stripes from measured wrong :( So they are a little short, but you cant tell. I was upset though because we paid extra for the extra length. I need to see what I can do. I love more than anything how much John loves me and does whatever he can to make my vision work. He's the best husband and father in the world. 

Sunday, John and I went shopping for all the baby things we still needed. How does someone so small, require SO much. Like, seriously? I had some awful contractions while we were out shopping, so it ended up taking much longer than we had hoped. Hopefully, it's a sign of things to come soon! Although, I'll be happy if she stays in a little longer. I'm not quite ready to not be pregnant. I'll miss her in there and really miss my bump! I also would love a little more time to do a few more things :D 

Week 37!

Oct 17th

Baby girl is the size of a skunk this week. Making it to 37 weeks is another relief for us! She's almost fully grown and would be able to survive if we had her early. (but stay in there baby girl!!) She's over 6lbs and about 19inches long (we learned the weight last week, which still isnt exact). She also has strong reflexes and is putting on more baby fat. 

How's Mama?: Doing great still! When I weighed in at the doctor I had gained 4lbs in a WEEK! But my calves, ankles, and feet were SUPER swollen. They told me not to even worry about it since it was from that. I also learned that I am 1cm dilated and 60% effaced already! Pretty exciting even though it doesnt really mean anything :D I'm just glad to know that my body is doing what it needs to start doing. Hopefully, it means less complications in delivery. Other than all of that, I have some serious heartburn at night- no matter what I eat or drink. Even just water. My hips are starting to hurt more when I sleep and I'm just tired. She's still dancing around in there and I'm trying to soak it up as much as I can since it's almost over!! I cant believe it. 

How's Daddy?: Would you be shocked if I said busy? LOL. He didnt get to make this last appointment or the next one because of work related meetings. But that's okay- they are super quick and I hate him having to take all that time for a 15 minute appointment. Otherwise, he's still trying to get himself to a spot at work where he doesnt leave a ton of work left undone before his break.

This week: This week we haven't been SUPER busy at home, but more so exhausted from everything. Monday night we went and had our maternity pictures taken! A girl from John's work offered to take them for us. She's SO sweet! We decided on NC State and Pullen Park. John got off work a little late, so we had to rush to beat the daylight some. It turned out to be more than perfect. We had the coolest experience! We decided to start at the Bell Tower. I got there before John did and while I was waiting on him, Dr. Stafford (he was the Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs at State for over 40 years until he retired recently- he also does all the bell tower tours) saw me standing near the bell tower. Well, he came over to me and asked if I was a student- ha!- I told him no, but I was alumni. He was SO excited and asked if I had ever been inside the bell tower. I told him that he actually had taken me in it before and how awesome the tour was. Then, I got the brilliant idea to ask him if we could get a picture INSIDE the bell tower! He was just as excited about it as I was and said yes! He said it would be a historic moment as nobody has ever had maternity pictures taken in the bell tower and Baby M would be the youngest ever inside. lol. So, as soon as John got there, Dr. Stafford gave us the key and let me unlock the bell tower!! and then take as many pictures as we wanted!!! He is such an incredibly nice guy and made the experience so perfect for us! Seriously, what are the odds that this crazy Wolfpack loving couple got to do something so precious at one of our favorite locations? I cant WAIT to see the pictures!! After that awesome experience, we took a few more on campus then headed over to Pullen where John proposed. :D Then we went back to another part of campus and got some with the wolves :D I seriously cant wait to see them :D

Tuesday, John got us free tickets to see the new Jack Reacher movie! that was a fun little date night in the middle of the week for sure :D This was my last week in the office! So I made sure to say all my goodbyes until maternity is over. I'm very much looking forward to working from home the next two weeks!

Over the weekend, the Kinlaws threw an Oktoberfest party! It was so much fun! Everyone for the most part dressed in character! Even Mason! haha. 

Josh made an awesome table!

Dave grilling out- they had an awesome spread of German food!

Hutch!!

Uncle John and Mason :D

We love our nephew!! Yes, that is an apron- what else was a 9 1/2 month preggo girl gunna wear? haha :D 

German game John found online! It was fun!

Kristian made an AWESOME cake. It was so delicious!!!

Sunday, the girls took me out for a pamper day. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. We got lunch, mani/pedis, and they got me a massage!! I really didnt expect any of that, so it was extremely nice of them. After all of that, I took a nap and then Andrew made dinner. While I slept through dinner, they let us grab some to-go plates and snuggles with Mason :D Seriously, the best friends :D

Mason was snuggling with his cousin from the outside. I think he's excited? ;D