Dun dun dun… just kidding! We had a great chat all the way home. John is always so easy to talk to, I am beyond blessed for that :D As I said in a previous post, I had a really hard time with the New Year because of my father passing. Well John and I talked a lot about it and how it’s impacted me, him, and our relationship. It has just taken so much out of me over the past 6 months that I have not had much to give at all. I decided then that I cant let it take that much out of me anymore. I love my daddy more than anything and I will still be sad and miss him beyond words, but my husband needs me too and he will be around for a long time. John has been wonderful during this whole process and it’s time that I am there for him again too. In the words of Jennie B. “these were the cards I was dealt, so I have to make the best of it.” That’s exactly what I plan on doing. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to celebrate my father- I plan to do that a lot still! It just means emotionally I cannot let it take over anymore. I am also beyond blessed because I happen to have a wonderful father-in-law. While he is not my daddy and could never replace my daddy, he is my dad now and a wonderful one at that. I have to count myself very fortunate to have another dad in my life that loves me so much and cares so much for me and that will be there for me whenever I need him. Thank you Dad Martin for being that second dad for me :D you will never know how much you mean to me for it.
This whole conversation of my father makes me think of a song that has really helped me through this process. I have to give credit to my Aunt Nita for sharing it with me. It’s called Homesick by Mercy Me. Here are the lyrics:
"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow"
This song is exactly how I feel. My heart yearns to be home in Heaven with my father and Jesus and it’s comforting knowing that one day they will be there for me. In the meantime though, I will continue to celebrate my daddy’s life and strive to live my life the way the Lord wants me to. :D
Now, I don’t like new years resolutions because I never stick to them and I think they are silly, but I am going to try and do a few things different this year. I would like to be more independent, not feel so bad for everything, and try to be less emotional about everything. I have a tendency to make everything a big deal and personal, and I would really like to move past that :D Thankfully I have a great husband who will help me with all of this! Thus far, I think have done a good job! Yay 19 days! Haha. :D
Now our whole trip was not so serious! We had a good time and listened to some stand up comedians, joked around, and stopped for food and whatnot. We finally made it to Miami around 11:30pm. It was SO strange driving into Miami. It always blows my mind how big it is and how many skyscrapers there are! When we got home we were wired so we ended up playing a game :D
Of course we were both exhausted from the trip and so luckily I had taken 3 more days off to recuperate from the trip :D We played a bunch of games, took naps, watched movies, unpacked, etc. It was very relaxing! We were going to go to the beach, but being at home was just so nice. I love to travel, but nothing beats coming home to your own space and bed! Anyway, it was a successful trip and I loved being home :D Now on to a New Year and new job!
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