A year without my dad...

I apologize for it taking so long to update. It’s actually probably more stressful to me when I don’t post because I feel like it’s hanging over my head. Lol. But anyways…
This post was once again going to be difficult for me and I dreaded writing it. I guess I have felt like this post has to be awesome because it’s about my dad, but I think just writing something at this point will be good.

I honestly cannot believe that I have been through a whole year of my life without my dad. This year has been very very tough me and my family, as I am sure you imagined it would. And like I predicted, dealing with losing my father has also become easier. Well not easier, I don’t ever think it will be easy, but I guess I have been able to come to terms with it. I still have the days where I am like “what?! Did that really happen?” and it seems surreal, but for the most part I guess I’ve come to terms with it.

Looking back over the year, the most difficult days were not necessarily the days that I thought they would be. In some cases yes, but days like the first day football started, when we got a puppy, his birthday, and random days that I went to call him and he wasn’t there or when I had a really bad day at work and I just wanted to call him. Those were hard days. I think the hardest day/time for me was on New Years Eve when it switched to the New Year. I had the hardest time accepting that I had to start a new year without him. It’s still hard, but like I said I have learned to come to terms with it. Sometimes, I will go and just listen to all the songs that remind me of him. It makes me cry of course, but it’s kind of nice at the same time. :D So far that list includes :

· Homesick by Mercy Me
· I Loved Her First by Heartland
· Longer Than by Dan Fogelberg
· When The Rain Comes by Third Day
· I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson
· My Girl by The Temptations
· Amazing Grace

I am beyond happy that he is in Heaven with Jesus and if it wasn’t for that I would be a mess still. BUT I do know that, so it makes it a little easier. I know he is no longer in pain. But DANG it sucks not having my dad around. *sigh* I know there will be many many more moments that will be extremely hard, like when we buy a house or when we get pregnant or when NC State wins the championship (ha!). BUT I have amazing support and an awesome husband and family who have helped me through it.

I truly do not know what I would do without John. He has been there from the beginning. He was there when my dad had his first stroke, he was there for all the different nursing homes changes, and he went to visit him with me and helped me take my dad to the movies every now and then. I think that is always one fond memory I will have of us all- John, me, and my dad going to the movies. That was always a lot of fun and I know my dad LOVED to get out of the nursing home :D One of my favorite memories of going to the movies was when John brought his Firebird and my dad wanted to ride in it instead of my car. We squeezed him and I followed with his wheelchair. John had the music playing really loud and he apologized to my dad for it being so loud and my dad said that it was the only way to listen to music, so they left it like that for the car ride. I love that memory of them :D I may not have been there, because I was in a car behind them, BUT I loved they got to spend some time like that together. I think that is also one thing I am really going to always be sad about- John not getting to spend a lot of time with my dad. I loved them together! Anyway John was then there when my father was able to move home and helped with modifying my house so my dad could get around easier (a true blessing from John and his dad). And of course now he has been there for me through all of this. I am very lucky woman and words cannot describe how blessed I am to have John in my life.

I also wanted to take part of this post and reflect on the ways I am like my daddy, which is also part of the reason it’s taken me so long to post. I want it to be great! I am scared that I’ll start to forget or not realize down the road the ways I am like him, so I thought starting to create a list would help :D I want it to be awesome, so I have not finished it yet, but when I do, I’ll post it :D
Boy do I miss that man!...