Pregnancy thoughts...

No, I am not pregnant and we do not plan to have a litte one for a few more years. BUT it seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or has a baby. My mini-feed on Facebook has BLOWN UP with babies! It's kind of ridiculous.

Anyway, my point for this blog is that all these babies have really made me start thinking about babies a lot lately- again NOT ready for them, but just thinking. If you know me, you know that all I have ever really wanted to be is a wife and a mom. Most of all- I just really want to be pregnant! haha. I think the feeling of someone growing in you, has to be the neatest feeling in the world- not only that but knowing it's God's creation made up of me and my wonderful husband. Incredible thought.

Last night, I was laying in bed, getting ready to fall asleep and I started thinking about just that- a baby growing inside me. And I am not going to lie- it FREAKED ME OUT. This is the first time ever that the thought of being pregnant has freaked me out. What's it going to feel like? Am I going to feel like a different person? Am I going to feel the baby constantly? Am I always going to feel like my tummy is stretching and be scared to lay certain ways?! Then I started thinking about John. How is he going to react to me being pregnant? How is he going to feel laying next to me knowing there is something growing inside of me? Will he still want to have sex with me? I dont know the answer to any of these questions and it STRESSED me out. I always thought that when I heard other women going through these same thoughts and emotions that they were silly, and they might still be and I may just be freaking out a little- I am not sure. BUT I am freaking out a little. Why? I have no idea. We dont plan to have kids for a few more years and this kind of freaking out just proves I am not ready. lol Maybe it's because it's happening all around me? Maybe it's because its a real possibility now? Maybe it's because I've dreamed about birthing a child twice in the past two weeks? I dont know. STRESSED OUT.

That's another thing- I've had these HORRIBLE dreams about having a baby. The pregnancy in my dreams have been fine, but in one of the dreams I delivered a dead baby and in the other I had the baby and they took it away from me and didnt take care of me afterwards and I died. UGH. Those are not fun to wake up after. and they feel SO real. Maybe that is really why I am freaking out. I really dont know.

Anyway, I know when the timing is right God will bless us with an amazing little baby and He will walk John and I through ever step and prepare us for whatever we are meant to deal with. I will continue to pray for healthy little ones, but know that whatever God blesses us with, it's His creation and I will be beyond happy.

Until then though- I may still freak out a little about the idea :D