A month later...

Wow, it's hard to believe that already a month has gone by since my dad passed away. In fact, it's still very hard to believe that he passed away. I find myself looking at pictures sometimes and I just get so sad because I cant believe I wont see him ever again. My mind literally cannot grasp that idea.

Death is interesting. I just cant believe that one day someone can be talking to you and calling you on the phone and then the next they are gone. Or in my dad's case I cant believe he can be watching TV and making himself lunch one minute and then gone forever in the next. I just dont get it. It's so permanent. It sucks.

I want my daddy back so bad. Its a good and bad thing that I have had work to distract me. I have been SO busy with opening it's a bit ridiculous. BUT it keeps my mind off everything. Thats the good part. The bad part is I dont think that I am really dealing with it and just pushing it out of mind. I wonder how long it will take for it to be real. I know it's different for everyone, so I wonder what it will be for me.

I am definitely getting pets for my children one day. I think this is even harder for me because I have never really dealt with death before. My grandpa passed away when I was younger, and while I loved him a lot I really wasnt that close to him and definitely didnt see or talk to him almost every day. I also had a cousin die when I was really young and again- I didnt see her every day, actually rarely so it was very different. I never had any pets and I think that would have helped me learn how to deal with death. I dont know, I may be crazy but my kids will still have pets and have to deal with it.

Anyway, life goes on as normal as it can now. Everyone is back to work and back in the flow of things. Sometimes I wonder how that can be possible. Shouldn't the world just stop? I know it shouldn't, but I feel like that sometimes. Today is hard. I will however, try to make the best of it as much as I can.