4 months later...

I cant believe that it has already been four months since my dad passed away. Even as I write this, I still cant even believe it is real. four months. wow. I think I am actually not doing as well as I thought I was. I have been REALLY sad lately. I dont know if it's because I started thinking about him more or if it's because of the holidays coming up, or what it is. I just know it's been way harder lately. I just keep thinking about all that he is missing out on (I know Heaven is WAY better and he is no longer in pain, but I want to share so much still!). He is never going to get to visit us down in Miami, never going to get to see my children, and cant hear of the day to day stuff going on in any of our lives. And I keep thinking about all the things I miss. I miss hearing his voice, seeing his crooked smile, hearing him make fun of me and then there have been so many times that I am having tough time and want to just call him up and vent. I didnt do that as much as I wanted to while he was here and now I regret that. I guess there is always something you wish you did more of and I was VERY blessed with my relationship with my dad, so I guess I cant be too regretful. He was the best dad ever and still is :D

Lately, I have been thinking about Thanksgiving coming up and have been really worried about how my mom, brother, and sister are going to handle my dad not being there. I wont be able to make it home for Thanksgiving so it has had me really concerned. Then I realized that it's really going to impact me too. Last year, John and I decided to have our first Thanksgiving at our apartment and I cooked A LOT of good food! It was an AMAZING Thanksgiving and both of our families came. My mom, dad, sister, and brother and his mom, dad, and sister. We had to make a special ramp for my dad to get into the building, but it was totally worth it. Looking back I didnt realize that that would not only be my first with our families, but my last with my dad. It makes me so sad to think I'll never get another Thanksgiving with him, but at the same time so happy that I got to have that one :D Here are some pictures from it:
All the yummy food! :D

The first Thanksgiving we hosted as husband and wife :D

All our sweet siblings chowing down :D

The Martins!

Brother and sister love

My mom and daddy

Our last Thanksgiving all together :(


Again, I am SO thankful John and I were able to host a Thanksgiving with my dad here:D I'll always be thankful for that.

I honestly still cannot wrap my mind around him being gone. I think that makes it harder. I have decided that I will start seeing a counselor about it. I think that will help. While I have GREAT support, I think a counselor will be able to help too. I think it will always be hard, because I will always be his little girl. I watched our wedding video the other day and was excited and sad all at the same time because I got to see him again. pathetic- i know. But it was nice.